When someone you care about is facing a health challenge, it can be difficult to know how to show up for them. That uncertainty can feel even heavier during the holiday season, a time when emotions already run high and feelings of loneliness or isolation can deepen.
Illness, loss, or major life changes don’t pause for celebrations, family gatherings, or festive traditions. And as much as you may want to offer comfort, finding the right words can feel incredibly hard. Many people worry about saying the wrong thing—or saying too much or too little.
If you’ve ever hesitated before writing a message, posting a comment, or reaching out because you didn’t know where to start, you’re not alone. The good news is that support doesn’t have to sound poetic or perfect. What matters most is sincerity.
This guide is designed to make that easier. Below, you’ll find simple, heartfelt ways to express care when words don’t come easily—whether you’re writing a holiday card, leaving a comment on a health update, or sending a message during a difficult season.
When Words Fall Short: How to Support Someone Through Life’s Hard Moments
There are moments in life that leave us quiet—moments when a friend, neighbor, coworker, or family member is facing something so overwhelming that we struggle to find the “right” words. Illness, loss, unexpected diagnoses, and other life-changing events can make even the most caring person unsure of how to respond.
If you’ve ever stumbled through an attempt at comfort or felt pressure to say something profound, you’re not alone. The truth is, people rarely need perfectly crafted words. What they usually need most is presence, compassion, and someone willing to sit beside them in the hard stuff.
Below are simple, meaningful ways to show support when there just aren’t words.
“I’m listening.”
For those of us who instinctively give advice, sitting quietly can feel unfamiliar. But often, the greatest gift you can offer is your attention. Whether they are sharing frustration about a doctor’s visit or opening up about grief, try letting them speak freely without rushing to fill the silence. Being heard eases stress, reduces feelings of isolation, and creates a safe space for honesty. Comfort doesn’t always come from talking—it often comes from listening.
“I’m so sorry.”
It’s a small phrase, and sometimes we worry it sounds generic. But “I’m so sorry” carries weight. It acknowledges pain without minimizing it. It shows empathy without making assumptions. When someone is grieving, shocked, confused, or afraid, hearing “I’m sorry” can be a gentle reminder that their feelings matter and that you see the unfairness of what they’re facing.
“How are you doing today?”
When someone is navigating illness or loss, emotions can shift dramatically from one day to the next—sometimes even hour to hour. Asking how they are today keeps the focus on the present moment and makes the question easier to answer. It also opens the door for you to offer appropriate support, whether you’re speaking to the person going through the experience or the caregiver walking alongside them.
“I don’t have the right words, but I’m here.”
Admitting you don’t know what to say can be comforting in itself—especially when it’s paired with presence and a willingness to listen. Letting someone know you want to hold space for whatever they’re feeling can help them feel seen rather than pressured to reassure you.
Simply be sure that your honesty is paired with support, not silence. Without a listening ear attached, “I don’t know what to say” can unintentionally shift the emotional burden back to them. Make sure they know you’re not going anywhere.
“I’m thinking of you and your family.”
Illness and loss ripple far beyond one person. Spouses, children, parents, siblings, and close friends all feel the weight of what’s happening. Recognizing the broader impact shows awareness and care—not just for the individual, but for the circle around them.
“I’m here with you.”
Many people say nothing out of fear of saying the wrong thing. But silence can sometimes feel like invisibility. Reaching out—even in a simple, quiet way—lets someone know they are not facing this alone.
Presence isn’t always loud or eloquent. Sometimes, it’s just showing up.
“I’m heading to the store later—what can I bring?”
Emotional support is powerful, but practical help matters too. Instead of offering vague assistance (“Let me know if you need anything”), try giving specific options:
• picking up groceries
• watching the kids
• taking the dog out
• sending a meal or a gift card if you’re far away
They may not accept the offer right away, but knowing you’re willing—and checking back in—can make a world of difference.
Helpful Tips for Supporting Someone in a Hard Season
Let them take the lead. Allow them to decide how much they want to share. Don’t push for details or try to steer the conversation. Your patience builds trust.
Only promise what you can genuinely follow through on.
Support means little if it never arrives. Commit to what’s realistic for you, and use reminders if needed so you don’t forget an offer in the busyness of life.
Pay attention to your body language.
Gentle eye contact, relaxed posture, and open arms can help someone feel safe. Crossed arms or distracted glances may signal discomfort, even if you don’t intend it.
Be fully present.
Silence the phone. Turn off the TV. Step away from distractions. Being mentally and emotionally available can sometimes be more comforting than anything spoken.
Don’t take emotional reactions personally.
Grief, fear, and trauma don’t always come out neatly. If someone withdraws, snaps, or rejects help, it may simply be part of what they’re carrying—not a reflection of you.
Offer concrete ways to help.
Instead of asking them to decide how you can support them, give options. Tools like CaringBridge can also help coordinate ongoing updates, meals, visits, and messages of support in one place.
Supporting someone through a difficult moment isn’t about saying the perfect thing—it’s about showing up, listening well, and offering kindness through both words and actions.
What advice would you give someone who isn’t sure what to say during tough times?What has helped you feel supported in your own difficult seasons?